What I Don't Get about the new Black Eyed Peas joint

What the hell are these guys thinking? They try to market themselves as the most "innovative" and "cutting edge" band in the world. Meanwhile, they BLATANTLY STOLE the hook of this new single from "Dirty Dancing" bucking the trend Jay-Z started last year of hip-hop people straight up jacking hooks from popular 80s songs and stealing all shot of the original artists retaining any creative rights. Good luck finding a search for "Forever Young" that doesn't have Jay-Z's name come up somewhere. I double-dare you.

That said, I think the dudes from Dirty Dancing should count their money now, enjoy the newfound wealth, and know they will be forever disassociated with their song, in favor of the Black Eyed Peas. All I can tell you is that if the rest of the record is this lame, half the fans will walk out next year after "I've got a feeling, WOOO-HOOOO, that tonight's gonna be..." ah who am I kidding, you know the rest.

They're trying to rebrand themselves as the most hip and "technological" band of their generation, when meanwhile they're releasing their second rushed out "more of the same" album in 5 years (See "Business, Monkey"). That breaks in line with every music business taboo: I'd say one "more of the same" rushout record per decade should be the tipping point.

Their arc is this: late-90s underground LA rappers ("That's The Joint") add girl & Filipino guy with weird name to group, collabo with JT ("Where's The Love) and finally get a breakthrough hit, make a couple more stupid-rap singles (Let's Get Retarded, Hey Mama), follow up a year and a half later with a record a monkey coulda wrote ("My Humps", "Pump It", "Don't Phunk With My Heart") establish girl as a breakout solo star (Fergie's "London Bridge"), rebrand themselves as the movement for a generation, male lead thinking he's bigger than Jesus after posturing for an obvious winning Presidential candidate like it's HIS victory (Will.I.Am's "Yes We Can", "It's A New Day"), embrace techno and gain worldwide success on stupid-drone choruses ("Boom Boom Pow", "I've Gotta Feeling", sorry, any chorus with "WOOOO-HOOO" in there somewhere is designed to be a singalong for the dumbest of the dumb), then follow it up a year later with a chorus pilfered from 1980s royalty, play the Super Bowl, and have drones follow them all the way to their banks.

It's obvious that this record and tour are subsequently gonna be the biggest grossers of 2011. I don't doubt that. What I doubt is that the production and singles from this album will lower the bar for corniness, steal from everyone, and be the ultimate in more-of-the-same. Last one was "The E.N.D.", this one is "The Beginning". Beginning of WHAT? Is there a story arc here that I'm missing? The #1 lesson I learned in my years as a music consumer: NEVER bite on a more-of-the-same. It will leave you feeling disappointed, stupid, result in unsatisfying listens, and have you mindlessly dropping another 100 when the band comes around on tour to see if they can redeem themselves for a crap album live.

So, is this really a MOTS consumer trap? Let's take a look at the tracklist for hints:

1. The Time (Dirty Bit)(Yep, this is the Dirty Dancing ripoff/club single. Get used to it)
2. Light Up The Night (Pretty common hip-hop imagery posturing. Not much to say)
3. Love You Long Time (Guess this is a Fergie showcase, stupid chorus)
4. XOXOXO (OMG. NO. Usher already did that this year)
5. Someday (every band has a song with this title somewhere. NO Feat. Chad Kroeger?)
6. Whenever (Anytime but Now)
7. Fashion Beats (That's a Victoria's Secret ad campaign. Throw us some $)
8. Don’t Stop The Party (We didn't. You guys just waited a year to spoonfeed us more crap)
9. Do It Like This (Like... how?)
10. The Situation (Bonus Track) (giving a nod to the most obnoxious pop cultural fad to rear it's head in 2010: Da Jersey Shore)
11. The Coming (Bonus Track) (Coming of age? Coming of the greatest band on the planet? What?)
12. Own It (Bonus Track) (Just like we own da cluubs)
13. The Best One Yet (The Boy) (Another Fergie showcase probably. How many of those can she get per record?)
14. Just Can’t Get Enough (And you're NOT ripping off MJ HOW?)
15. Play It Loud (And Pump It! Like they do every night, right?)

I'd say avoid this album at all circumstances. If you have to watch them at the Super Bowl (Yes, you're gonna HAVE to), then just do that, save yourself some bucks. Listen to the original "Dirty Dancing" for all I care. As long as you recognize the musical, and monetary thievery, at work with this long-established major-label trick. If you'll excuse me I'm gonna go listen to "Celebrity" by N'Sync... oh dammit my sister threw that one in the trash 9 years ago. Similar fate for "The Beginning"?