The Ting Tings = Shut Up And Give Us Your Money
We Are Scientists = We Are Pretentious Douchebags
Vampire Weekend = Snotty Brats Who Happen To Play Really Bad Music
Santogold = Some Annoying Hipster Chick Who Happens To Sing
LCD Soundsystem = Some Annoying Hipster Doofus
Band Of Horses = Just Another Band Of Hipsters
MGMT = Sellouts With Synths
Girl Talk = WHERE Is The RIAA When We Need Them To Prevent This Crap?
Devandra Banhart = Freak Show
Crystal Castles, Justice, Chromeo, Simian Mobile Disco, Or Any "Band" Who Is Really A DJ = ElectroCRAP
The Black Kids = Masters Of "Irony" and Shitty Music
Lykke Li = Why? Just WHY? Please Go Back To Sweden.
Kid Sister & Lil' Mama = Why Girls Shouldn't Rap.
Spank Rock & Datarock = Way To Call Yourselves That And Do ANYTHING But "Rock"
Deerhoof = Indecipherable Noise. Shut Up.
The Cool Kids = OK, We Get It. You Were Born In The Wrong Decade.
Stephen Malkmus = That Guy Who Used To Be In That Band... But He Sucks Now
CSS = That Annoying Drunk Chick Who Jumps Onstage And Thinks She Can "Sing" To Techno.
Blitzen Trapper & Grizzly Bear = Please Go Back To Some Cave In The Mountains And Leave Us Alone.
The Hold Steady = Holy Shit! A Hipster Band That DOESN'T Suck!
Note: If there is any band that I failed to blast here, it doesn't necessarily mean I like them. In fact, it probably means I couldn't think of a mean enough insult for them, so your favorite band is not off the hook. Have a nice day.
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